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I think this is a very good nomination. There seems to be a disconnect, however, between the milestone title on this site and the title as reported in the monthly milestone report. Which is the correct title?
The titles given in the monthly milestone report are WORKING TITLES ONLY and may be a shortened version of the titles (which may be unwieldy). Also, titles change as they progress from the proposal to the point where the citation is being carefully edited.
I agree that this is an outstanding nomination. I think the title and citation are fine.