Wording for the milestone

Would this wording be acceptable?

This site commemorates the creation of the Modified READ two-dimensional coding for G3 facsimile developed through the careful collaboration of NTT and KDDI.  Strong Japanese leadership with intense international discussion, testing, and cooperation produced the International Telecommunications Union G3 recommendation in 1980.  THis innovative and efficient standard enabled the worldwide commercial success of facsimile. 

Jcoopersmith16:00, 16 February 2011

Mr. Coopersmith,

I agree to your citation correction.
Thank you very much for proposing it.

The modified citation becomes 54 words from 67 in the original one.
As a nominator, I am very glad to accept your citation., 17 February 2011