Suggested changes to citation from Lyle Feisel

I think the citation needs some work here is the old first sentence and my suggestion for a change:


Original:


In an attempt to automate the reading of product information in a local grocery store, Bernard Silver and Norman Joseph Woodland conceived a solution in 1948 at the Drexel Institute of Technology which later became the ubiquitous Barcode.


My suggestion:


In an effort to automate the reading of product information in a local grocery store, Bernard Silver and Norman Joseph Woodland of the Drexel Institute of Technology developed a system that later became the ubiquitous barcode.

Administrator411:28, 18 August 2011

I believe that Lyle's wording tightens up the language without changing meaning. How do others feel?

140.98.210.24309:23, 2 September 2011
 

I prefer Lyle's wording. The original citation also has a redundant "of" which should be cleaned up. - Lise

Lisetiffner14:05, 2 September 2011
 

I agree with Lyle's suggestion, although I would avoid using such "magnification" words as "ubiquituous", "quintessential", or "multi-billion" in the original citation. Those words don't contibute to the historical value of the Milestone and might sound somewhat pretentious. My suggestion, then, on Lyle's suggestion would be:

In an effort to automate the reading of product information in a local grocery store, Bernard Silver and Norman Joseph Woodland of the Drexel Institute of Technology developed a solution that later became the Barcode Identification System. Patented in 1952, the Barcode has become a key technology for product identification and inventory control in present Industry and daily life.

Apyuste02:40, 6 September 2011

I prefer Apyuste's wording. Citation has milestone's origin, origination location, significant date and importance. Everything needed. Like a newspaper story, it has the five elements for the reader: Who, What, When, Where and the Why. Mort hans

W2ots17:21, 7 September 2011
 

I agree the Bar Code Milestone and prefer the wording by Lyle Feisel.

Peterhill05:50, 7 September 2011